Digging out of the hole requires constant effort, at least for me. I'll do well, do well, do well, even save some, and then BOOM. It's a fuck up that sends you back a month. I'm not talking about "accidentally buying a car" or some other big mistake that ISN'T really a mistake. I'm talking about the calculate how much you can spend in advance, get there, and spend 2 times that. Before you even realize it, it's too late and you pay for it for the next month.
I had such the problem yesterday. It was the wonderful boyfriend's birthday. Every other year, this may have consisted of a $300 gift and at least $100 on dinner. Now that I'm actually aware of my financial situation I've put myself in, I can no longer justify in my mind that I can actually do that anymore. So, I did all the right things. I went used my online banking to calculate how much I can spend without it having to impact areas in my life like saving, food, gas, the bills, or other necessities. How many of my "wants" am I willing to give up this month to find some extra money for a gift? I came up with a number. I was going to stick to it. I found a restaurant that he'd enjoy that would allow me to stay within my budget. And, the dinner out was also his gift. I wish I could give more, but I understand that neither him nor I think it's worth going into debt over. Oh, I digress.
$80. $80 is a pretty good dinner for 2. The restaurant was very reasonably priced. I felt free to order appetizers, good entrees, and dessert... and of course a martini and he ordered sake. The bill arrived and my jaw hit the table when it read $138.78. $140?!?!? I couldn't exactly regurgitate my dinner, and I don't think I could negotiate gracefully. At that minute I got the same feeling that I always get. "Immediate Gratification" is just that. Immediate. Before my debit card (now that I understand that a credit card isn't really a good "buffer") even hit the leather envelope I was beating the shit out of myself.
So, here I am the day after. I've already had the horrific balance check experience online. Fortunately, this time, I'm going to be ok. Depending on how I handle my lunches this week, I can make it to the next paycheck with a small balance in my checking account... which I will immdiately deposit in my savings. I do remember, quite well, the feeling of knowing you're not going to be ok. You're not going to make it to the next check no matter how you cut the cheese.
While things things still happen, I think it's important to be able to step back and see that while it's not perfect, I'm on my way out of debt. I have a plan, I have a budget, and I'm strong enough (most of the time) to find myself out of this mess. I just need to brush myself off, and keep going. Because the only thing worse than overspending, is overspending, and then overspending more because you feel bad about yourself, or aren't willing to believe in yourself after the fact.
What you should learn from a situation like this:
Why did you overspend? If I knew my budget had no wiggle room, I should have calculated it. The menu was posted online. I could have seen how much everything cost and figured out in advance whether dessert or appetizers or drinks are even possible. If nothing else, I should have taken a minute to do the math in my head before I ordered.
What did you get out of it? Was it worth it? Generally, the answer to this question is always no. But, since you have nothing to hide (from yourself), it's important to be honest. For me, it was wonderful to have dinner with a great group of friends at a really good new to us restaurant. Getting two appetizers probably didn't make the night. We weren't even hungry for dessert, but we ordered it because it was his birthday.
How are you going to use this to help you? Considering I spent twice as much as I should have, I can see that it's not that depriving myself of going out to dinner is the answer. It's that I need to understand that I have to give up the extras. I can still go out to dinner if I'm willing to give up the drinks, appetizers, and desserts. I can still have a good time.
Is it possible to correct the damage? In this case, I think the answer is yes. I didn't end up in the red, but my mistake is $60 less than I have to put in savings at the end of the month. I understand this is unnacceptable. In order to make it up, I can skip the weekly Friday lunch with coworkers, and I have to give up my weekly reward for staying in budget.
ON to the next challenge!
*just keep swimming, just keep swimming*
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